Julie Bishop seeks the aid of Dan Brown in defending her chronic originality...

For the second time this month, deputy opposition leader Julie Bishop has apologized for plagiarism in her public communications.

This time it was for a chapter in a book that just happened to be lifted directly from a speech by New Zealand businessman Roger Kerr – 2 weeks ago it was in a speech to Parliament stolen straight out of the Wall Street Journal.

After apologising to the author of the original work, Ms Bishop made a public statement in which she said “sorry” to Australia.

But serious and scientific investigations into the speech at the MIKETRON Labs have made some startling discoveries…

It turns out that the word “sorry” was used earlier this year by Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, and may-or-may-not have been used in a public address by Ben Cousins in an earlier public speech.

The birth of Julie Bishop was written about in great detail by Mary Shelley...

So it turns out even Ms Bishop’s apology was completely unoriginal, leaving us wondering if she doesn’t have some sort of mental defect caused by the poorly sourced human corpses that went into her initial creation.

A further investigation will now take place – mainly based on the work of Mary Shelley – to try to determine the initial composition of Ms Bishops abominable brain.

We’ll keep you posted on the results.

Our Nicole has always had a widescreen forehead... Even when everyone else's was just standard 3 x 4 letterbox...

People say that she’s not a natural widescreen and that she was born in standard 4 by 3 letterbox format…

But Australia knows that she would never lie to us (or sue anybody) and that her forehead is naturally 16 by 9 widescreen format, not to mention BEAUTIFUL.

By the way she OURS and you can’t have her.

Unless you pay money.

After all his other excellent management decisions, economic experts were suprised to find that Bush's bail-out package actually made things worse...

Everything that George Walker Bush has done in his 8 years in office has been brilliant.

He has expertly managed the US economy, he’s got the Health Care system working flawlessly for every American, he’s declared a “War on Terror” that has made ever human on Earth safer and more secure from extremists, he’s invaded liberated 2 separate countries with perfectly planned and executed battle-plans, and generally expressed himself eloquently and articulately whenever making a public address.

So with all these achievements under his belt, when he announced a couple of weeks ago that he knew how to fix the growing economic crisis and all it would take was a trillion dollars, it’s not surprising that nearly every economic expert in the media started lining up to back his “rescue plan”.

Even our own Treasurer and Prime Minister were quick to say publicly that if the US congress didn’t pass the bail-out package, everything could go pear-shaped, which should give evry Australian the utmost confidence in the financial management of our fair nation.

The media was singing much the same tune, with self proclaimed “experts” like Channel 7’s David Koch (it’s pronounced how it’s read) telling the world that they knew what was best and what was best was George Walker Bush’s financial advice.

Our most consistently re-elected "financial expert" certainly had all the answers. That's why the economy's so good...

The shock of such “experts” when the market fell to pieces after the package was approved should be an indicator as to their level of expertise, wouldn’t you say?

It will also pay for Australians to note that in Europe and the UK at the moment, they’re re-publicising many of their financial institutions because the privatisation that occurred during the 90s is actually largely responsibly for the current market-collapse.

So, Australia, the next time somebody tells you that they’re a “financial expert” or (hypothetically) the “best financial manager Australia’s ever had”, it might actually be worth our while to ignore them.