We did what we did before Cheney came to town...

For the second time in as many years, the Australian Government has decided to “further investigate” rapper Snoop Dogg’s criminal history before an upcoming tour. Last year the powers-that-were decided that having prior firearms-possession and drugs charges made the star “undesirable” in our fair land.

This was after the expert assessment of John W. Howard and, then Immigration Minister, Kevin Andrews. Those would be the same two chaps who approved Dick Cheney’s visitor visa 2 months prior to rejecting Snoop’s.

Oh, they would also be the same two men who actually changed the NSW gun laws in a late-night parliament sitting so that Cheney’s bodyguards could walk around our streets carrying concealed, fully-automatic weapons.

When animals are sick, we put them out of their misery because it's the humane thing to do...

Though it saddened nearly every North Shore housewife with an expertise in wildlife management in Sydney, the baby whale that was abandoned by its mum in Pittwater earlier this week has been put to sleep by veterinarians.

When an animal becomes to sick or weak to go on living without assistance or constant pain, we tend to do the decent, humane thing and put the creature out of its misery so it doesn’t have to go on suffering.

Most of the time, the animal doesn’t know what’s going on and will fight for its life right to the very end, saddening everyone who witnesses its demise and bringing up numerous moral and ethical questions in the process.

Sydney single-mother abandons her child but keeps collecting benefits...

The Australian Government’s “baby bonus” has been controversial from the very get-go.

Flawlessly researched shows like Today/Tonight and A Current Affair have consistently demonstrated that if you have a baby out of wedlock, you are a complete bludger, praying on the hard-earned tax dollars of the honest Aussie Battler.

This week at Pittwater in Sydney’s north, this heart-breaking cycle has repeated itself once again with a teenage humpback whale abandoning her defenceless calf after receiving her baby bonus.

Undoubtedly, the money will be used for buying a plasma TV or heroin, which just goes to show that Anna Coren and Tracey Grimshaw are always right and we are all just stupid not take their word as PURE FACT… like the bible.

Tamsyn Lewis loses miserably at the Olympics... But she's not a drug cheat...

Just 2 weeks after pre-emptively accusing the entire world of cheating against her, Australian track moll, Tamsyn Lewis has placed DEAD LAST in her qualifying heat at the Beijing Olympics.

It’s all a bit of a surprise, really. Oh, except for the fact that Tamsyn Loser has never won an individual medal in her life before this year’s Indoor Athletics Championships. Though you would be forgiven for thinking that she was an actual competitor because of the near-constant media attention she demands.

You may remember her from the highly public bitching with former team-mate Jana Pittman (another “champion” who has only ever won at the Commonwealth Games) a couple of years back.

QANTAS planes maintained in Malaysia are far more efficient and cost-effective...

So 3 years ago there was a bunch of hoo-ha over the fact that QANTAS was laying off piles of Australian maintenance technicians so they could outsource the jobs to Malaysia. The logic behind it was, as with everything else these days, to increase efficiency and profitability of the whole organisation and therefore increase share prices to make the mum-and-dad investors happy.

And it worked brilliantly. QANTAS shares went up steadily for 18 months after the maintenance was cheapened and moved overseas… And then their planes sort of stopped working properly.

Since the beginning of their troubles in mid 2007, the QANTAS share price is now sitting at what it was worth in the end of 2005. Now can you understand the insight, logic and acumen that QANTAS board-members had to restructure the company?

Some Street View locations are more accurate than others... This image was taken by the street view camera in down-town Hornsby.

As you would have noticed on nearly every news service in the country, Google Street View launched in Australia this week and caused quite a stir.

Apparently, the Facebook-loving internet audience in Australia don’t have enough useless, novelty web applications to keep them away from getting their work done, so Google have released their Street View service in the interests of national procrastination.

Employers across the country will be jumping with joy as their payed staff switch between answering their mobile phones, SMS-ing, checking their email 35 times-an-hour, browsing through Facebook and now looking at the outside of their houses with Google Street View.

What-do-you-know: The ugliest, geekiest musician in the World has ego issues...

The world’s most handsome, original and now long lived band, Wolfmother, have decided to call it quits citing ‘creative differences’ as the cause behind the split.

For one of the least original bands in the known Universe to use the absolute least original excuse for splitting up should hardly come as a shock. But the fact that the band’s ‘people’ have been talking about ‘ego issues’ is positively hilarious.

Those of you unfamiliar with Wolfmother’s brilliant and creative work have, unfortunately missed out on seeing the band in their original line-up now, but luckily you could just go and listen to some Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath or The Who albums and you would get the full experience… Though somewhat more genuine.

Even Morgan Freeman must be sick of seeing himself as the wise old father figure at this stage...

What do you get when you mix a bunch of Hollywood ’stars’, a Kazakh director and the storyline from a Scottish comic book author? Apparently a steaming pile of crap.

If you enjoyed Timur Bekmambetov’s Russian blockbusters, Nightwatch and Daywatch, then this probably isn’t the film for you.

If you enjoy coherent, logical storylines and strong performances you might want to give this movie a miss too.

Actually, its probably best if you just don’t watch it at all… Especially if you’re conscious.

Bekmambetov, a native of Kazakhstan (but not related to Borat), has never directed a film in English before and, judging by the jumbled mess of a storyline in this movie, probably didn’t this time.

Tamsyn Lewis accuses the rest of the world of cheating shortly before they beat her in her next race...

So your going to the Olympics. You’ve spent your whole life training, missing out on all the fun that other kids had growing up because you were concentrating on being the best of the best.
You’ve worked hard and risen up through the ranks to become a world class athlete, overcoming innumerable challenges and injuries along the way.
And then, a week before you actually set foot on the Olympic track, you publicly accuse all other competitors of being “drug cheats”… And not just because you’re going to lose.

You’re Tamsyn Lewis, Australia’s most bikini-modelling, catfight-publicising Institute of Sport product to ever come 7th in a race.

With the stockmarket down, you can get a real bargain in the NRL...

In case you wanted to read or watch some actual news this week, you would have noticed that Sonny Bill Williams managed to outrage our entire country just by taking a job for more money in France.
And we have troops at war in two different countries.

Unfortunately for Rugby League and it’s enormous number of fans, these kinds of events tend to highlight the fact that the game is only played at a serious level in about twelve countries - and in Australia, it’s strongest base, it seldom pulls a quarter of the crowd that an AFL game does.