MIKETRON BLOG

Well, sometimes there's news that just knocks us off our seats in cataclysmic shock.
And today it's because the alarmingly conservative numbers estimated by organisers for World Youth Day (week)- around 500,000 at first - appear to be unrealistic, with hotels in Sydney taking less than a fifth of the originally estimated bookings.

What's wrong with the world when 500,000 Catholics don't want to fly 20 hours on a plane to be ushered through a wire-fenced-city by Federal Police officers to see the pope on a giant TV at a racecourse?

Well, thankfully the Pope knows his market (and did in 1939, too) and so has announced that everyone who makes the effort to turn up on World Youth Day (week) will be given a free cherub to do with as they please.
And generally, they please a great deal.

Shown above is the pope and some of the "prizes" on offer.

If only Sydney had thought of this for the 2000 Olympics, we would have achieved expected numbers and wouldn't still be paying the bastard off!

More blogs about Catholics - World Youth Day (week) - Pope Benedict.

Its been nearly 18 months since America's favourite Australian, Steve Irwin, was maliciously assassinated by a vicious stingray. While plenty of left-leaning, commie-sucking environmentalists have labelled the event a "tragic accident", we all know what's REALLY going on.
After months of collecting incredibly reliable intelligence on the execution, we at the MIKETRON Blog can DEFINITELY say that all evidence points to an international stingray conspiracy funded by numerous aquatic extremist organisations.

It seems that an elusive extremist group called The Stingray Brotherhood were behind the attack, claiming it as a "victory against the Great Land Loving Satan and its abominable way of life." The group have left multiple postings on Middle-Eastern websites claiming responsibility for the Irwin Assassination, as well as threatening further attacks on celebrity-wildlife-experts and the civilian population at large.

We therefore announce the War on Stingrays.

The war will be long. The war will be hard. At times we will become weary and our goals will seem distant.
But the Stingray menace must not be allowed to dictate our way of life.
Our way of life, and in particular our swimming habits, are not open to negotiation.

Shown above was the first true advocate (and victim) of our War on Stingrays, Steve Irwin. To the right and below are a couple of extremist stingrays, hell-bent on destroying our way of life.

More blogs about The very REAL stingray threat - Steve "I'm just patting it" Irwin - Stingray Brotherhood.

Back in World War I, Australia had a fairly new sense of nationhood and independence from colonialism. Still unsure of ourselves as our own entity, we were inclined to follow Great Brittain into anything due to our feelings of obligation to our mother country. It was this sycophantic, lap-dog like behaviour which caused us to sacrifice thousands of young Australians in the battle of Gallipoli and in other theatres of the First World War. Thankfully, the yearly remembrance day we hold on the 25th of April stays as a reminder that we won't foolishly follow someone into a battle we can't possibly win in the Middle East ever again. Not ever. We're smarter than that...

Pictured at the top are the poor fools who followed Lord Kitchener's orders by entering the meat-grinder of Gallipoli - and below are our modern troops who go into Iraq knowing there is a just cause with a well developed strategy behind it. Australians don't make the same mistakes twice (not in World War II, not in Korea, not in Vietnam).

Enjoy your Holiday!

More blogs about Anzac Legend - Ridiculous Traditions - Lessons Learnt.

In some aspects of life, persistence is an admirable quality. Whether you're going for job interviews, starting a business or seeking the attentions of a potential lover, persistence can be a very rewarding personality trait.

In television comedy, however, just telling people that you're funny and hoodwinking a network into playing your show for a few years is not enough. You actually have to be funny or the public, stupid as they may be, will eventually see through your talentlessness.

Such is definitely the case for the lamest presenter on Australian Television, Rove McAnus, according to ratings numbers from last night's broadcast. Rove attracted a dwindling 834,000 viewers - less than half of his initial audience from earlier year - while GLADIATORS on Channel 7 (see Its-A-Knockout + anabolic steroids + cocaine) attracted 1.571 million.

Anyone who has actually watched GLADIATORS, let alone seen the ads for it knows that it is basically just muscle-men in tights who whack each other homo-erotically with big rubber phallic symbols. Unbelievably freaking lame, really.

But Rove is obviously twice as lame. The numbers prove it.

Shown above is Rove McAnus, the GLADIATORS and a malignant tumor that was removed from a man's testicle.
You decide which is funnier...

More blogs about Rove's Comedy Brilliance - Rove's Complicated Genius - Funnier Stuff Than Rove.

In the last few weeks there has been much talk of Kevin Rudd's relations with China and his all-too-convenient ability to speak their language. Public pressure has been mounting on the PM to "come down hard" on China for abuses of human rights, particularly in Tibet recently - and there have even been calls from some of our athletes to boycott the Chinese Olympics.

Ironically, when we had our own little athletics carnival in Sydney, 2000 we only won the chance to host the games over China by the tiniest of majorities in the Olympic voting committee because the committee couldn't decide who had the worst human rights record. Luckily, our record was SLIGHTLY better than china's (thanks, largely, to population size) so we got the Olympics before them!

So, if K.Rudd turns up and "orders" the Chinese to start practising human rights like a "civilised" country, it should be completely acceptable to them and not sound hypocritical at all.
Maybe we could send a delegation of detained asylum-seekers, Guantanamo Bay inmates and Indigenous Australians (who were taken off our FAUNA list in 1967) just to add extra credibility to our criticisms...

Shown above are some of greatest, heroic moments in Australian human rights - including our brilliant and fair handling of indigenous affairs, detaining people who are escaping persecution in other countries, the excellent and pride-inspiring handling of the David Hicks case and our ULTRA-PROTECTIVE child labour laws.

More blogs about Human Rights Bliss - Australian Egalitarian Ideals - Australian Happy-Fun Human Rights Camp.