Why do people call them pirates? The Sea Shepherd logo is clearly not intended to appeal to adventurous young boys.

That’s right folks. Those wacky whale lovers of the Sea Shepherd organisation need our help. After taking the law into their own hands and sailing around the Southern Ocean attempting to terrorize the Japanese whaling fleet into ceasing all activities, these poor, completely innocent activists are crying foul over collisions between theirs and the Japanese ships.

After the sinking of their super-expensive future-boat, the Ady Gil last month, the militant hippies activists are claiming that the Japanese whaler, Yushin Maru 3 intentionally rammed their motor vessel, the Bob Barker (motor vessels run on diesel fuel and cost millions of dollars, incidentally. Very environmental).

The leader of the Sea Shepherd organisation and captain of the Steve Irwin,  Paul Watson (who was kicked out of Greenpeace for wanting to take the organisation in a violent direction) has been calling on the Australian Government to do something about the Japanese whaling activities for some time. Rather than pursuing their agenda in a court of law, though, the organisation would prefer the Boys-Own-Adventure style of excitement allowing them to spend millions of dollars on ships and fuels to “do battle” with the Japanese in the largely un-monitored Southern Ocean.

There’s an organisation based in the Deep South of the USA that makes similar claims about pushing their agenda and “upholding their rights”.

Vigilantism: When will the Government come to the party?

A jockey blowing his horses brains out to win a race - its not cruel, he's just doing it so we can win money by betting on him...

Australian Jockeys are upset that people want to stop them from blowing out their horses’ brains in order to win races. For people so tiny, they sure love the animal cruelty!

New rules being bandied around the Aussie Horse Racing industry (see problem gambling for more info) would make it not as acceptable for the little tackers to use handguns on their horses in order to make them run faster.

“I don’t see the problem,” one Jockey told us in his high-pitched voice (he was too small to identify), “All we want to be allowed to do is blow out our horses’ brains in the crucial last few hundred metres of a race. But the Animal Rights people – who don’t understand that problem-gambling on horse races is part of our national culture – think its in some way cruel or something…”

Since institutionalised sports-gambling addiction is part of our Australian identity, the animal lovers will surely have to come around.
I mean, we breed these animals so we can be cruel to them (not that it’s cruel). If we didn’t breed them for having their brains blown out, they’d just be wasting their time living happily in their natural environment or something.

And you can’t gamble on that!

Kyle Sandilands has spoken about the non-consentual gorup-sex that turned him into a fat, talentless, never-was...

Kylie Sandilands has shocked the media by speaking out about his controversial group-sex with every single football player in Australia.
He says he didn’t like it and that it was non-consentual – but staff heard him bragging about it around the water cooler the day after the incident.
You can tell he ws asking for it, anyway…

Just because he made a few million dollars out of Bird Flu doesn't mean he's not an honest, ethical person...

This is a real and serious disease, just ask Rummy.

And just in case you thought that was an “ethical faux pas”, check out Rummy’s real estate.

Mercedes Corby on the cover of Ralph (which means to vomit). No airbrushes were used in the making of Mercedes' beauty...

You remember Mercedes Corby, right? She’s the elegant, graceful sister of Australia’s former-favourite marijuana smuggler, Schapelle (who is, herself, very elegant and graceful). And now, her elegance and grace have been noticed and smeared all over the front of the tasteful gentleman’s magazine, Ralph.
Smeared, readers.

If you need a bit of reminding, Mercedes is the Corby moll young lady who fought desperately to expound her sister Schapelle’s innocence during her trial… mainly by yelling racist obscenities and whinging to the Australian press.

But that was before she started doing the rounds of paid interviews, benefiting from her sister’s incarceration in Bali for smuggling counterfeit boogie-boards.

Then her friend, Jodie Powers did an interview with the network that couldn’t pay the Corbys enough for interviews, revealing that they had all been heavily involved in the counterfeit boogie-board racket for years, even go so far as to produce pictures of Schapelle and Mercedes smoking the illicit boogie-boards.

Of course, the price fetched for counterfeit boogie-boards in Bali is a lot lower to the price you can get for them in Australia, raising questions about the intelligence of the Corby cartel. Questions which can be answered by simply spending a bit of time looking over the interviews and media footage of the eloquent Gold Coast family.

You can’t just become a hairdresser. It takes years to be qualified, otherwise you’d see heaps of teenage girls doing it.

The family home, Corbywood on the Gold Coast with a few spare counterfeit boogie boards lying around...

The Corbys family caravan home on the Gold Coast is a testament to the traditional, Aussie, boogie-board smuggling way of life.

The young (and beautiful) Corby sisters would play in the grounds of the caravan park estate, learning how to smuggle boogie-boards by practicing with their barbie dolls (whom they also practiced their hairdressing on).

After a few years, their proud parents were watching them grow up into BEAUTIFUL young boogie-board smugglers with enough grace and elegance to be on the cover of such prestigious publications as Ralph Magazine… And shows like Today / Tonight.

The undeniable beauty of the graceful Corby women. You just try denying it...

Peter Costello uses Australian Parliamant and media to drum up interest in his book. David Hicks isn't allowed to...

So unless you haven’t seen the news in the last few weeks, Peter Costello is selling a book.

You can tell when an Australian politician is selling a book because they use our Political System and media outlets to drum up interest and potential sales revenue.

While some of you may think that sort of thing as corrupt, we’d just like to remind you about David Hicks.

He was the Australian citizen that was left in an illegal, foreign prison for 6 years before being told that when he finally did get out, he wouldn’t be allowed to make a single cent out of “telling his story”.

Tony Abbott takes of his clothes in support of Peter Costello at the annual Abbott & Costello Off for 2008...

This is because we have legislation in this country known as “Proceeds of Crime” where someone is not allowed to profit from criminal activity. Apparently in the Hicks case, this also includes crimes that don’t exist in Australia and didn’t exists in the U.S. when he allegedly committed them.

But if you’re an incompetent Australian Treasurer for 11 years, known for selling off most of our national assets and encouraging the population to mortgage themselves to the eyeballs, then you can sell your book and use uncertainty about your political career to drum up some free publicity.

Sorry, did we say free? We meant to say tax-payer-funded publicity.
That’s the same tax that has been paying Papa Smirk’s $300,000+ salary for the past 12 years.

You sure wouldn’t want to live in one of those corrupt countries!