After all his other excellent management decisions, economic experts were suprised to find that Bush's bail-out package actually made things worse...

Everything that George Walker Bush has done in his 8 years in office has been brilliant.

He has expertly managed the US economy, he’s got the Health Care system working flawlessly for every American, he’s declared a “War on Terror” that has made ever human on Earth safer and more secure from extremists, he’s invaded liberated 2 separate countries with perfectly planned and executed battle-plans, and generally expressed himself eloquently and articulately whenever making a public address.

So with all these achievements under his belt, when he announced a couple of weeks ago that he knew how to fix the growing economic crisis and all it would take was a trillion dollars, it’s not surprising that nearly every economic expert in the media started lining up to back his “rescue plan”.

Even our own Treasurer and Prime Minister were quick to say publicly that if the US congress didn’t pass the bail-out package, everything could go pear-shaped, which should give evry Australian the utmost confidence in the financial management of our fair nation.

The media was singing much the same tune, with self proclaimed “experts” like Channel 7’s David Koch (it’s pronounced how it’s read) telling the world that they knew what was best and what was best was George Walker Bush’s financial advice.

Our most consistently re-elected "financial expert" certainly had all the answers. That's why the economy's so good...

The shock of such “experts” when the market fell to pieces after the package was approved should be an indicator as to their level of expertise, wouldn’t you say?

It will also pay for Australians to note that in Europe and the UK at the moment, they’re re-publicising many of their financial institutions because the privatisation that occurred during the 90s is actually largely responsibly for the current market-collapse.

So, Australia, the next time somebody tells you that they’re a “financial expert” or (hypothetically) the “best financial manager Australia’s ever had”, it might actually be worth our while to ignore them.

Expert Australian and Coalition troops are having a bit of trouble with the primitive stone-throwers in Afghanistan...

NATO commander in Afghanistan, General David McKiernan, has made a plea to the “Coalition of the Willing” to massively bolster troops numbers in the war-torn country because we’re ’struggling to win’ against the Taliban forces.

Australia is actually contemplating sending in it’s ground infantry – a section of the Army not deployed since Vietnam, another brilliant ADF success.

The Taliban are those nice Shiite chaps who we initially supported because we didn’t really want the commies taking over our friends’ potential oil supplies. They were “ousted” back in 2001 after the US gave them a completely un-hypocritical ultimatum.
It went like this:

1. Deliver to the US all of the leaders of Al Qaeda immediately;
2. Release all imprisoned foreign nationals immediately;
3. Close immediately every terrorist training camp immediately;
4. Hand over every terrorist and their supporters to appropriate authorities immediately;
5. Give the United States full access to terrorist training camps for inspection immediately;

Or

1. we blow you up… immediately.

One of our expert soldiers catches a plane before it hits the runway...

As you would all know, America does and always has complied with all of it’s own demands (and the UN’s). Not to mention Australia… Just visit some of our beautiful “asylum-seeker holiday resorts” or the Americans’ 5-star beach destination in Cuba for special foreign guests.

The table below shows three different countries’ military spending for the last year.

As you can see, we should probably be getting a bunch of Taliban insurgents over here to train our troops in economically successful warfare.

You’d think that the USSR would have “softened them up” a bit for us by spending 10 years trying to do what we’re now trying to.

But then, we’re the GOOD GUYS.

Terri "longhorn" Irwin twists the arm of a newborn baby in memory of her husband, Steve...

Australia’s favourite American, Terri Irwin has lost a battle in the Queensland Land Court to stop Cape Alumina from mining bauxite on land that her family property company owns in FNQ.

Sorry, did we say that the family OWNS it? We meant to say that it was purchased by the family corporation, Silverback Properties, with $6.3 million donated by the Federal Government after the death of our greatest national hero ever, Terri’s crocodile molesting husband, Steve.

Steve Irwin was that chap who, like Keith Urban, was un-cared for by Australian audiences until we realised that the Americans thought he was fantastic, at which point we started calling him a “national hero” and lining up to agree with our cultural and military masters over what a fantastic and entertaining bloke he was.

Known as brilliant, scientifically minded conservationists, the Irwins have fought long and hard to keep indigenous people off land that can be “conserved” for raising cattle.

Cattle farming, you’ll remember, is the reason for about 60% of land clearing that has happened in North Queensland for the past 100 years and pretty much 100% of the reason for the species destroying soil-salinity that occurs all over the area.

The really funny thing here is that Cape Alumina, a land-raping mining organisation have carried out environmental and cultural impact studies for the last 3 years on the site. Any time a mining company wants to dig a big hole in the middle of a rain forest, people tend to make them prove they’ll be careful about it.

Terri Irwin's re-drawn Queensland map is a beautiful tribute to her late husband... The area in red will be the new fence "protecting" Terri's investment. The area in blue will be where all Queensland residents are forced to live in special Conservation Camps.

The Irwins, meanwhile, have not produced any environmental study for the massively expanded cattle farming operations that they have planned (including over 100KM of fencing). They probably just haven’t made the studies because they need to save money – money supplied for the project by our taxes.

Let’s face it, Steve was such a national hero and brilliant conservationist that we can all just believe his completely trustworthy widow when she says she will do everything ethically and honestly.

Like how honest she was about her off-shore tax scams last year and her well-thought-out analysis that Australia is being invaded by U.S. culture and terminolgy, which Terri believes is a tragedy for her beloved Aussie culture.

Terri was born in Oregon in the United States.

We here at MIKETRON think its time Australia just woke up to itself and handed Terri the keys to our entire continent and a blank cheque from the Government coffers.

Anyone who makes hundreds of thousands of dollars out of exploiting their child and dead husband can’t be morally questionable, can they?