Russell Crowe and Terri Irwin have united to save the universe from peole who aren't as smart as them...

In a continuation of his brilliant scientific career, New Zealand actor Russell Crowe has told US chat-show host David Letterman that everyone should sign a petition to “save” some of terri Irwin’s real estate from the EVIL of a Queensland mining company.

The property under debate was bought by the Federal Government for $6.3 Million and GIVEN to the “Irwin Family Trust”, 2 years AFTER the company Cape Alumina was given permission to mine in the area. Cape Alumina have carried out 3 separate environmental impact studies – with another yest to be completed – on the effects of their proposed bauxite mine in the area now known as “Steve’s Place” to honour the deceased animal molester and national hero (of America).

While terri Irwin has been telling everyone (via the very crap http://www.savestevesplace.com), she has been getting quotes on putting up sever kilometres of electrified fence to keep the cattle she plans to run on the property in check.

So according to the very environmentally minded Terri:
Mining = bad
Cattle = good

Just have a look at some of Australia’s soil-salinity problems and waterway pollution as a result of cattle-farming.
She certainly loves the environment and not her wallet.

K.Rudd meets B.Obama in his own pants. Obama seems to think Kev is a pretty cute little fella...

In the TOTALLY UNPREDICTABLE and in-no-way-forseeable financial crisis that has struck our western world down like a black plague epidemic, there are few heroes.

Luckily (for all of us), one of those heroes is the Honourable K. Rudd P.M Esquire.

By simply meeting with the new arse to kiss in Washington the President of the United States of Texas, Kev was able to avert the current financial crisis and garantee that it will never happen again.

In order to stop himself using too many acronyms during their meeting, our over-generous and glorious leader took full responsibility for the financial crisis… blending all of his acronyms nicely into one easy-to-remember version.

KFC: Kevin's Financial Crisis acronym cuts through all the politico-speak...

Baz Luhrmann uses the next 10 years of Australian film finance to create a display platform for Nicole Kidman's forehead...

Finally a film has been made that tells the real story of our wide, brown land.
Not many people really know about the Australian cowboys who all carried Winchester rifles and said “crikey” all day whilst being “mates” with the local Aborigines; or about the invasion of Darwin by 16 million Japanese fighter-planes (which were also bombers); or the fact that our REAL national anthem was “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” until 1988.

Thankfully, Australia’s most prolific, creative and talented cocaine snorter director has been given $140 million to set the story straight on our fair nation once and for all, by making a “romantic epic” aimed squarely at American audiences who are staying away from it in droves.

Along with the $140 million for the BRILLIANT financial black-hole film, the Australian Government (in it’s infinite cinematic wisdom) has thrown Baz an extra $40 million to make a few ads for Tourism Australia.

Surprisingly, they’re exactly as crap as all of his films have been, selling a ridiculous, stereotypical version of Australia to people who don’t want to sit on a plane for 20 hours.

16 million Mitsubishi Zeros invading Darwin Harbour during Warld War II. All of this really happened...

Sorry, we meant to say they “invested” in our countries future with a “blue chip” stock named Baz Luhrmann, whose 3 films have grossed about $360 million worldwide… Now if that’s not justification for giving him nearly $200 million, we don’t know what is.

Oh wait, yes we do… Nicole Kidman’s in the film as well.
For those of you who don’t remember Our Nicole, she was married to Tom Cruise for a while and her films used to make money (when she was still a freckly redhead). Thankfully, though, over the last 10 years she has become the LEAST BANKABLE STAR in Hollywood, adding to the massive financial risk that this steaming pile of crap has become.

But then, Australians certainly love to gamble.

In case you wanted to read or watch some actual news this week, you would have noticed that Sonny Bill Williams managed to outrage our entire country just by taking a job for more money in France.
And we have troops at war in two different countries.

Unfortunately for Rugby League and it’s enormous number of fans, these kinds of events tend to highlight the fact that the game is only played at a serious level in about twelve countries – and in Australia, it’s strongest base, it seldom pulls a quarter of the crowd that an AFL game does.

Any one who remembers the whole Superleague comedy that happened in 1997 would obviously be incredibly shocked at the impending doom that seems to be facing the sport… this week.

But then, Australia has been saddened by some terrible tragedies before. Remember Van Nguyen? Or maybe Nicole Kidman’s miscarriage?

But a wide, brown and sensitive land like ours can only take so much; and it seems that Sonny Bill is yet to realise just how much he’s hurt us.

If you have a look at the image to the right, you’ll see just how much of an effect the incident has had on Australian morale. And with the Olympics right around the corner, we can’t afford to let such serious and justified depression take hold.

If we don’t band together and rally in support of our national sport right now, it runs the risk of being played by even less people throughout the world than it currently is… which isn’t many.

And then we’d have to think of something else to do with our gang-rapists young athletes.