Julie Bishop seeks the aid of Dan Brown in defending her chronic originality...

For the second time this month, deputy opposition leader Julie Bishop has apologized for plagiarism in her public communications.

This time it was for a chapter in a book that just happened to be lifted directly from a speech by New Zealand businessman Roger Kerr – 2 weeks ago it was in a speech to Parliament stolen straight out of the Wall Street Journal.

After apologising to the author of the original work, Ms Bishop made a public statement in which she said “sorry” to Australia.

But serious and scientific investigations into the speech at the MIKETRON Labs have made some startling discoveries…

It turns out that the word “sorry” was used earlier this year by Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, and may-or-may-not have been used in a public address by Ben Cousins in an earlier public speech.

The birth of Julie Bishop was written about in great detail by Mary Shelley...

So it turns out even Ms Bishop’s apology was completely unoriginal, leaving us wondering if she doesn’t have some sort of mental defect caused by the poorly sourced human corpses that went into her initial creation.

A further investigation will now take place – mainly based on the work of Mary Shelley – to try to determine the initial composition of Ms Bishops abominable brain.

We’ll keep you posted on the results.

The inaugural Liberal Party Turdball Fundraiser was a smashing success, with more than $50 billion burnt and laughed about...

The inaugural Liberal Party Turdball Fundraiser, which was held last night was a roaring success.
Set up to raise money for underprivileged millionaire politicians (Turdballs), the ball was attended by the A-list of Liberal Party pieces of shit… So it was very crowded.

During the course of the evening the “King and Queen of the Ball” announcement was highly anticipated, with prominent Liberal excreta lining up in their expensive frocks and fake tans, hoping to take out the crown.

As was expected though, the competition was rigged from the start thanks to the rather expensive palm-greasing performed in the proceeding weeks by the Member for Wentworth, who just happened to have a spare million or two lying around.

So it was no surprise that Malcolm Turdball was crowned Queen of the Turdball.

The announcement put to rest long-running speculation in the Australian Media Toilet about which piece of shit would eventually take out the coveted prize, with most media outlets speculating that the smirking turdball, Peter Costello would make a last minute run for the Crown.

But it wasn’t to be, as the former Treasurer cut into his make-up and Botox time by running around all week marketing his new book through the Australian Parliamentary System.

Brendan Nelson and Julie Bishop were dissapointed when they forgot their formal wear. But Julie always looks nice...

Another hot favourite had been the former Defense Minister and current Liberal Party Leader, Brendan “Sonic” Nelson, but after forgetting to wear his frock and turning up only in sneakers without even doing his hair, the nervous hedgehog was dismissed from the competition.

The real success of the night though was the amount of money raised for the underprivileged turdballs who are one of the least cared-for minority groups in Australia. The Ball managed to bring together more than $50 billion in donations which was immediately changed into hundreds and set fire to.

The Queen of the Ball then had a romantic waltz on the ashes of the money with her husband.