With her completely natural and un-reconstructed look, Jackie O ' Munter wins this years most desired award...

It’s official: Jackie O has the most appropriately suited head to being a radio host in the entire Universe.
Kyle Sandilands is EXCEPTIONALLY ugly, don’t get us wrong, but it’s clear to anyone with eyes that Jackie O ‘ Munthead is the clear winner in this years competition.

Scientists have actually proven that you can see her ugliness through the radio.

But nothing bad that ever happens on their “show” is her fault at all – someone with this level of disabling ugliness couldn’t possibly be able to function in society or think of anything on their own.

Tracey Grimshaw, Gordon Ramsey & Kevin Rudd race to the bottom of the barrel...

OK, so Tracey Grimshaw was offended by something Gordon Ramsey said that was unsubstantiated.
Tracey Grimshaw hosts a show called A Current Affair, which you can learn a lot about if you remove 2 “r’s” and an “e” from the word Current.
Now if you’d like to see a little of the journalistic integrity presented by Tracey and her “program”, you can read about just a few of the times that ACA has broken the broadcasting code or been sued for putting to air false or erroneous stories here:
http://www.abc.net.au/pm/stories/s303826.htm
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/swim-coach-sues-aca-over-teenage-girl-report/2005/11/01/1130720517686.html
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/03/18/2193234.htm
http://forums.leagueunlimited.com/showthread.php?t=211294
http://www.smh.com.au/national/we-didnt-fake-it-diving-couple-sue-20090607-bzvd.html

These are just five examples of the brilliant, well-researched reporting the show represents.

Gordon Ramsey is a celebrity “chef” who’s shows are exactly the same as every other “reality” restaurant show, and nearly identical to eachother. Oh yeah, he swears a real lot too. And not just for ratings.

Due to accidentally being given skin that is about 20 sizes too big for his body and face, Gordon requires constant ironing.

As for Kevin Rudd, when he’s not watching (and commenting on) TV shows, he alleges to be the leader of our nation.

A comparable argument to the one between Tracey Grimshaw and Gordon Ramsey...

The beautiful and very un-lion-haired Deltra Goodrem has a sore throat... but not from sucking at all...

Suppose you were organising the Australian Grand Prix for 2009, the very race that starts the season, and you needed some top Australian “talent” to perform the National Anthem at the beginning of the race.

Luckily, a certain “star” of the Australian ARIA Award Industry Music Industry makes contact with you weeks before the event and offers her “oral services”. With so many things to organise, at least now you can relax about this particular part of the proceedings. In return you offer her and her “celebrity” partner $7000 worth of hospitality, accommodation and catering at the event.

Deltra's lion-hair performs for Mark Webber, who lost the race due to disappointment with Deltra's absence...

But then, at midday on the day of the race (with the anthem scheduled for 5PM), said “star” contacts you to let you know she has “laryngitis”, has lost her voice and can’t possibly sing the Anthem at the Grand Prix. Now you have 5 hours to find a replacement and the let the “multitude” of Delta Goodrem “fans” that she won’t be appearing.
How very professional.

Luckily, to assuage any criticism of her amazing lack of professionalism, Deltra hits the town later that night with a bunch of her “celebrity” friends, talking, dancing and drinking late into the night. All things which you would obviously do if you were “layed up in your hotel room with laryngitis”.

As if all this wasn’t un-Australian enough, Goodrem’s Irish “partner” still turned up to the Grand Prix to enjoy the “free” hospitality provided in exchange for Deltra singing (beautifully) the National Anthem.

Luckily though, no-one at the Grand Prix was mauled by Deltra’s hair this year…

K.Rudd meets B.Obama in his own pants. Obama seems to think Kev is a pretty cute little fella...

In the TOTALLY UNPREDICTABLE and in-no-way-forseeable financial crisis that has struck our western world down like a black plague epidemic, there are few heroes.

Luckily (for all of us), one of those heroes is the Honourable K. Rudd P.M Esquire.

By simply meeting with the new arse to kiss in Washington the President of the United States of Texas, Kev was able to avert the current financial crisis and garantee that it will never happen again.

In order to stop himself using too many acronyms during their meeting, our over-generous and glorious leader took full responsibility for the financial crisis… blending all of his acronyms nicely into one easy-to-remember version.

KFC: Kevin's Financial Crisis acronym cuts through all the politico-speak...

PETA celebrities really know their stuff. Shown are some of the celebrity molls who think they know more than scientists or farmers...

South Korean manufacturing giant, Kukdong has joined a growing list of retailers and manufacturers who refuse to use Australian wool because the animal molestation rights group PETA use celebrities in their campaign against the practise of Mulesing.

So now the companies that believe celebrities and hysterical hippie activists over farmers and scientists are: Nike, Gap, Marks & Spence, Hugo Boss, Abercrombie & Fitch, Timberland, H&M, American Eagle, Columbia Sports Wear and Liz Claiborne.

PETA’s brilliant campaign website, http://www.savethesheep.com has all sorts of fabulous pictures pointing out the cruelty of the Australian wool industry for both it’s live-export trade as well as the mulesing business. Mulesing is the process which farmers use to protect their sheep from fly-strike, involving cutting folds of skin away from the sheeps bum-hole.

PETA says that mulesing is cruel. They even program celebrities, desperate to publicise themselves, to say the same thing.

Fly-strike is a problem with sheep in Australia where blowflies feed on the poo stuck to the sheeps bum, eventually causing a massive, open sore and infection which the flies also eat and lay their eggs in. A sheep can take 2-6 months to die an excruciating death from fly-strike, where their infected wounds basically become deeper and more infected until the animal slowly dies.

If you’d care to read through PETA’s brilliant and informative http://www.savethesheep.com website, you’ll notice it conspicuously avoids suggesting an alternative to mulesing, other than “breeding new types of sheep, increased monitoring and blowfly control”. Sounds pretty well thought out, right?

So rather than be cruel and cut the animals once with sharpened instruments, the “animal rights activists” would rather let Australian sheep die the incredibly painful and slow death that fly-strike causes.

It’s not like a bunch of hysterical, hippie activists to sensationalise a “struggle” without thinking it through or coming up with viable alternatives.

The best of Australia's Social Problems are on display at the Spring Carnival...

It’s that time of year again.

On the first Tuesday of every November, Australians make a point of demonstrating their love for gambling, drinking and increasing personal debt… Not to mention being complete molls.

Forget the financial crisis that has taken up our entire national media output for the past 3 weeks and stop all the talk about “learning lessons” from it!

Every year thousands of “Aussie” gambling addicts, alcoholics and debt-laden-molls converge on Flemington Racecourse to publicly display their unmanageable depravity.

And they do this because to not do so is “un-Australian”. Just ask John W Howard.

So last year Alcohol and related illnesses were the second largest killer of Australians after tobacco-related issues.
Problem gambling now effects more than 1 in 5 Australians in a negative way (by negative we mean little things like suicide, destroying families and child-abuse).

Sarah Jessica Parker has been scratched this year for being "too much horse" for the race...

In 1989 when “The Recession we Had to Have” happened, Australians had an average of 46% household debt (as a percentage of disposable income).
In 2002 it was just a little over 120%.

And as for being a complete moll, well Baz Luhrman’s about to release his new private cocaine junket epic movie, Australia with “our” biggest ever freckly, redhead moll Nick-Hole Kidman starring.

So we hardly need the 30,000+ filthy, drunken molls who will surely turn up to Flemington tomorrow, not to mention countless office parties around the nation.

If the god of Abraham was around these days you would think he’d have to add Melbourne to list the list that  started with Sodom and Gomorrah.

We hope you like your salt, Melbourne.

BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Jessica Parker has been scratched from this years Melbourne Cup to the enormous disappointment of punters.

Terri "longhorn" Irwin twists the arm of a newborn baby in memory of her husband, Steve...

Australia’s favourite American, Terri Irwin has lost a battle in the Queensland Land Court to stop Cape Alumina from mining bauxite on land that her family property company owns in FNQ.

Sorry, did we say that the family OWNS it? We meant to say that it was purchased by the family corporation, Silverback Properties, with $6.3 million donated by the Federal Government after the death of our greatest national hero ever, Terri’s crocodile molesting husband, Steve.

Steve Irwin was that chap who, like Keith Urban, was un-cared for by Australian audiences until we realised that the Americans thought he was fantastic, at which point we started calling him a “national hero” and lining up to agree with our cultural and military masters over what a fantastic and entertaining bloke he was.

Known as brilliant, scientifically minded conservationists, the Irwins have fought long and hard to keep indigenous people off land that can be “conserved” for raising cattle.

Cattle farming, you’ll remember, is the reason for about 60% of land clearing that has happened in North Queensland for the past 100 years and pretty much 100% of the reason for the species destroying soil-salinity that occurs all over the area.

The really funny thing here is that Cape Alumina, a land-raping mining organisation have carried out environmental and cultural impact studies for the last 3 years on the site. Any time a mining company wants to dig a big hole in the middle of a rain forest, people tend to make them prove they’ll be careful about it.

Terri Irwin's re-drawn Queensland map is a beautiful tribute to her late husband... The area in red will be the new fence "protecting" Terri's investment. The area in blue will be where all Queensland residents are forced to live in special Conservation Camps.

The Irwins, meanwhile, have not produced any environmental study for the massively expanded cattle farming operations that they have planned (including over 100KM of fencing). They probably just haven’t made the studies because they need to save money – money supplied for the project by our taxes.

Let’s face it, Steve was such a national hero and brilliant conservationist that we can all just believe his completely trustworthy widow when she says she will do everything ethically and honestly.

Like how honest she was about her off-shore tax scams last year and her well-thought-out analysis that Australia is being invaded by U.S. culture and terminolgy, which Terri believes is a tragedy for her beloved Aussie culture.

Terri was born in Oregon in the United States.

We here at MIKETRON think its time Australia just woke up to itself and handed Terri the keys to our entire continent and a blank cheque from the Government coffers.

Anyone who makes hundreds of thousands of dollars out of exploiting their child and dead husband can’t be morally questionable, can they?