The poor, attention deprived emos have to turn to cutting themselves because their parents are to busy to look at their MySpace pages...

Nobody could possibly understand the pain that emo cutters endure on a daily basis. Not you, not us, not Jebus.

Despite this, recently released figures show a sharp increase in the number of Australian girls aged between 13 and 19 who are admitted to hospital for “overdoses, slashed limbs and other forms of self-harm”.

So you’d have to assume that the actual suicide rate for the demographic would have gone up too, right? Well, no actually. The suicide rate has fallen in Australia for young girls every year for the last 10 years.

Head of Monash University’s Centre for Developmental Psychiatry, Bruce Tonge (piercing) told SMH that “Self harm is a cry for help, a communication where other communications have failed.”

Communication, people. For depressed a teenager whom nobody understands, that translates as MySpace.

Another victim (and perpetrator) of self-harm tries to grab the attention of her parents...

So when MySpace is down, or teenage girls are unable to customise their page into satisfactorily depressing (and unique) colours, society fails them and they turn to the razor.

Let’s face it, Australia, who’s going to read all the MySpace pages if we don’t have self-harming teenage emos doing it?

Not us, that’s for sure…