Tamsyn Lewis loses miserably at the Olympics... But she's not a drug cheat...

Just 2 weeks after pre-emptively accusing the entire world of cheating against her, Australian track moll, Tamsyn Lewis has placed DEAD LAST in her qualifying heat at the Beijing Olympics.

It’s all a bit of a surprise, really. Oh, except for the fact that Tamsyn Loser has never won an individual medal in her life before this year’s Indoor Athletics Championships. Though you would be forgiven for thinking that she was an actual competitor because of the near-constant media attention she demands.

You may remember her from the highly public bitching with former team-mate Jana Pittman (another “champion” who has only ever won at the Commonwealth Games) a couple of years back.

Fortunately (for Tamsyn), Australia continues to fund her “training” at the Institute of Sport, even though she has never won anything decent and will NEVER pay back any of the costs. Costs which are derived from AUSTRALIAN TAX DOLLARS.

Tamsyn has had to defend herself numerous times before, including several appearances in Bikini-clad Pictorials for “Men’s Magazines” where she felt she needed to tell the public that the photo-shoots weren’t interfering with her training.

Tamsyn Loser poses in a Bikini... She's "doing the lady", as it were...

If you’re up for some hilarious reading, then check out this interview about Tamsyn’s brilliant career and make sure you keep reading until the bit where she talks about her “eating disorder” and her “social conscious” in dealing with “kids with eating disorders”. Freaking hilarious.

If that’s not funny enough for you, then check out her “official blog” where she tells you how great the Olympic Village is because it has “a maccas”.

Wow, 5000 years of Chinese history culminates in Australian bogans going to “maccas” in Beijing.

Tamsyn, we speak on behalf of Australian taxpayers everywhere when we say:
GIVE US OUR MONEY BACK, YOU LOSER.

So your going to the Olympics. You’ve spent your whole life training, missing out on all the fun that other kids had growing up because you were concentrating on being the best of the best.
You’ve worked hard and risen up through the ranks to become a world class athlete, overcoming innumerable challenges and injuries along the way.
And then, a week before you actually set foot on the Olympic track, you publicly accuse all other competitors of being “drug cheats”… And not just because you’re going to lose.

You’re Tamsyn Lewis, Australia’s most bikini-modelling, catfight-publicising Institute of Sport product to ever come 7th in a race.

So just how the hell has the rest of the world gotten the idea that Australians are terrible sports and tend to take a little too seriously the things that other countries call GAMES.

For a country that spends very nearly as much on sport as it does on its military, we certainly know where the priorities are.

Just check out the table below showing the various Olympic team sizes as a proportion of their countries population:

As you can see, Australia takes the Olympics and sport more than 10 times as seriously as the Americans and more than 200 times as seriously as Indonesia.

And people call us backward…

In case you wanted to read or watch some actual news this week, you would have noticed that Sonny Bill Williams managed to outrage our entire country just by taking a job for more money in France.
And we have troops at war in two different countries.

Unfortunately for Rugby League and it’s enormous number of fans, these kinds of events tend to highlight the fact that the game is only played at a serious level in about twelve countries – and in Australia, it’s strongest base, it seldom pulls a quarter of the crowd that an AFL game does.

Any one who remembers the whole Superleague comedy that happened in 1997 would obviously be incredibly shocked at the impending doom that seems to be facing the sport… this week.

But then, Australia has been saddened by some terrible tragedies before. Remember Van Nguyen? Or maybe Nicole Kidman’s miscarriage?

But a wide, brown and sensitive land like ours can only take so much; and it seems that Sonny Bill is yet to realise just how much he’s hurt us.

If you have a look at the image to the right, you’ll see just how much of an effect the incident has had on Australian morale. And with the Olympics right around the corner, we can’t afford to let such serious and justified depression take hold.

If we don’t band together and rally in support of our national sport right now, it runs the risk of being played by even less people throughout the world than it currently is… which isn’t many.

And then we’d have to think of something else to do with our gang-rapists young athletes.